i saw garden state in minneapolis on saturday night. i was positive my life was changed, but here i am three days later and everything is the same…

i think the problem is i quantify my life in terms of a progress bar. there's an unending to-do list in my head and i feel worthless if i'm not actively crossing things off. if i don't create, i die. my to-do list includes things like burning CDs and making t-shirts, yet i still avoid it like the plague and start random side projects. i think this is why i have so many unfinished tasks, i have to start more so i can finish some. i have a huge stack of legal pads in various states of completion. i get the feeling that if i ever filled all of them, i'd just drop dead.

i'm a bit superstitious about some things.

i want to create a life of beauty and intrigue, but i usually just sit around being bla. i did recently complete the novel duluth by gore vidal, which was amazing. it makes no sense, well, i guess it's more coherent than william s. burroughs, but that just makes it stranger. there's a plot… and characters… and… it's odd. remember that time that the barrios of duluth were set aflame and the hispanic population of illegal immigrants rose up in rebellion? me neither. there's this fictive property you see…

today in an attempt to brainstorm five isms that are important to me, i crafted a list that includes (amongst other things) botulism, journalism, sado-masochism, and communism. i wonder if the professor for this online course has a sense of humor. did i ever mention that i'm finally getting really excited for birmingham? did i mention the reason is a dream? i flew there and was walking the streets of brum (very similar to downtown duluth near superior and canal park) and i arrived at the airport where everyone was waiting. someone tried to get me to give them my bag, but i refused. then my friend emma was leading the group, which is funny because she revels in her incompetence. then i think heather introduced me to a guy who looked a lot like me. i just kinda stared and he was like, “you look like me!” it was true love. who says there's anything wrong with narcisism? hey, there's another ism! *snicker*

i'm currently on the fizone with john . he's a hit with the drunk ladies. i think he doesn't like to partay, if you catch my drift. i'm so three year old sometimes when i've got a free ticket. *cough*

disregard that last unit of text. a moron wrote it. i don't know what else to say. my attention span drifted. everyone should go see garden state, though. i'll be buying the soundtrack soon.

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