note to self: work on courting an imaginary stranger (performance art)
last night bud and i were going to study with ginny, but instead ended up at the beach on fire. thanks to natural disasters and smokey the bear, burn damage was minimal. bud is quite the boy scout so our illegal burn pit was lovely.
it was just really really nice to get off campus and spend time with people who aren't exactly my friends, but i wish were. i am fond of greg and ginny both and hope england goes swimmingly. it's likely to go even faster than this year, which would make it about equal to a month of time as a small child.
one of my biggest fears/regrets/realm of paranoia about this year has been about a lack of connection. between junior and senior year my friend group was close. probably too close. we cuddled in giant beds, shared our deepest secrets, and eventually learned to hate each other for the most part. now that i've been removed from that i forget the reasons and long for the feeling. nostalgia is a bitch.
being on a beach cuddled/huddled together under blankets with people inhaling smoke was lovely. it's nice when i can forget about my random bouts of social anxiety. who freaks out in hallways just because some is walking towards them? ha. i anxiously await seeing classmates in brookville this summer. they won't see me as i'll be hiding behind a clothes rack in wal-mart (wal-mart in small town america is horrible. you're guaranteed to see at least half of everyone you've ever known).
it was a nice night, problems aside. life spirals out of control sometimes, and that sucks a lot. everyone has their vices. one day, this will all be beautiful and better, but for now, we have to see the beauty in the moment.