by your logic the coca cola polar bears are real, too. they’re in magazines. they’re on television. just because you read about something doesn’t mean it exists!

sure, i’ve never met the beatles or jfk, but that does not mean that you mr. electronic fishman are real! though, i do buy your theories on reality in the eye of the observer. heh, i trust seaman’s thoughts on philosophy more than some other people. “is there anything wrong little one?” “yes seaman! the only one i talk to these days is a fish. with a human face. in a videogame!”

i think i lack the mental preparation for seaman care. oh well, he’s being taken away from me soon enough. i think all this stress is causing me to retain water!

too lazy to call kelsey, to scared to call emma. too anti-social to call steph. soon brandi will be gone, and it shall just be me and mum. four days of unmitigated… stuff. i make it sound like a lifetime. i have mixed feelings about my return to duluth. i’ve been gone a month, thus making me unfit for life anywhere.

it’s a good thing i’m not going to england in the 60s. the mods and rockers would kick my fucking ass. 1964 was a long time ago, but my mom was only 7 at the time. it’s now the 10th anniversary of the nightmare before christmas. i guess i was 8 when that came out, which just seems really weird.

i miss my stairs. i think i’m going to have to live high up in the future, as this whole ground level thing isn’t working for me. the other day i found myself thinking i was on the brink of something big and exciting. i must stop that, as bitterness can be the only solution!

i’m writing my life into a movie. it’s a tragedy about this boy who meets his soulmate too late and at too confusing of a time of life. they eventually become great friends but the boy always feels jealous of the girl and is unable to reveal his true feelings. the two part ways, leaving the boy broken. he dreams of the girl far away and happy amongst others. he’s assured that there’s always a place for him, but his cries go out only as pestering annoyances. actually, i lied. it’s not a tragedy. it’s an ad for text messaging.

i pretend to see glimpses of the future when i close my eyes.

pedestrian, the return, life on frost street, bunny noir, son of a dairy princess; these are all fleeting ideas, seemingly never to be completed… only time can tell if the cloud of procrastination will clear from my eyes. if only i could awake fully on a green mountain.

hello. where did you go? where did i go. “i believe we are all lost…”

is loneliness just a romantic form of isolation?

i feel as if my life could be better conveyed in anime form. it’s much more messed up and pointless tragic/beautiful/dramatic. the japanese seem to suffer from extreme loneliness and isolation. much of the anime i’ve seen has a theme of isolation. “all men are alone” and such. the ultimate solution is to connect everyone, to make them whole. well, serial experiments lain and neon genesis evangelion at least. in my neighbor totoro, don’t the children just want to be at one with the world…? hah

i’d reach out and touch someone, but i think they’d file harassment. the other day i had the momentary notion that of everyone, steph n. knew me the best. she’s representative of the intimacy of maren and the cynicism of emma. well, at one time. i’m afraid of emma because she’s truthful about my flaws. i’m afraid of maren because she’s forceful. steph is both. well, was. we’ve drifted apart… again. it’s these reasons that we can spend hours together doing nothing. it’s these reasons that steph also really really hates me sometimes. actually, i lied, the reasons she hates me are due to me being a dumbfuck. i get those confused sometimes.

actually, the truth (as revealed by my sister naturally) is that i fear strong all relates back to ursula from the little mermaid… and my mom. isn’t it silly how i always beat myself up over the past when i’ve got such an exciting future going for me?

if you had a dream about KOMPRESSOR, you could post a deadjournal entry with the current mood “crushed”

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