i'm listening to “wish you were here” going in the same circles, but i think as i round the corner for the nth time, i might be one step closer to freeing myself.
to be honest, i don't understand love. i think i have an idea, but that's just greeting cards and bad movies. i know infatuation, i have felt that and obsessed over people far too often. i should get around to burning the notebook that's proof of that someday.
i'd like to think things are different, but i always feel i've written this deadjournal a thousand times. also, i know i'm a hypocrite for going the roundabout deadjournal way that's vague and doesn't quite get anything accomplished. these words on a screen would be better served as letters on a burning sheet of paper.
should i say what i feel? i don't know if the feeling is justified. also, at this point, friendship is far more important than anything else. i really really like friendship, which sounds hackneyed, but eh. without friendship, i would not be here today.
as a side note, i often make fun of people and harass other friends. this is one of my major personality flaws, and i think as college progresses it will eventually fade. for now, however, it should be known that i hate very few people, i may hate what people become or what they act like, but i do not hate them. if not for everyone i have known, i would not be the person i am today.
i know that i could be a lot better person, but at least i am better than i was before. i am not a strong person, but i am trying. i want to be someone people can rely on, but i'm not quite there yet.
when i was younger, many adults said i was so mature and well mannered. i didn't have a lot of friends. then i grew up. is it better to be the 10 year old that always says thank you and does the dishes but has no friends and rarely speaks out of turn, or the 18 year old with wild emotions and translucent ambitions who is known to many as an ass?
i'd say the latter, but then again, i'm a bit biased towards myself. anything for a larf.
i hope you know that i might love you, even if i'm not sure myself. to paraphrase a ridiculous movie, “love is just a word. it's about the connections it implies.”