Lately I've been writing some cool stuff, but it's all in my head and when I have no access to paper. Ungh. While CPA was hit or miss, it at least allowed me to capture some ideas. Now, without CPA (and without any art classes at the moment) my head is a swiling mass of stuff I can't capture.

I wanted to make a single comic for christmas that would leave options open, but I couldn't even do that. I don't know if it is a lack of motivation or a lack of inspiration.

I've not written on a legal pad for several months. I have some serious things to rectify. For new years I resolve to be more individually productive and less stupid!

It was a good “mas” as the kids seem to call it these days. I knew most of my presents since I mas shopped for myself after thanksgiving. Hehe. I was hoping to be surprised and to my surprise, I wasn't. Ahh well, the real important part these days is family and that's been marvelous.

Sometimes I forget how cool my sister is. There was a period when it was just mom and I that things with brandi were weird, but now the three of us are a team, for awesome!

We had sushi for christmas eve, which far far surpassed thanksgiving's omlette and hashbrowns.

Here's mommy with sushi!

Mmmm!

The chef sitting down to enjoy her meal

And for dessert… authentic japanese cheesecake! hehe

The wasabi for the sushi nearly killed us. It was very powerful.

At some point Brandi and I are going to go see father and family in Milbank, but that keeps getting screwed up. So, in the mean time I've been exploring drag with my best friend Maren:

(that's the most disgusting picture ever…)

mikehawk!

Heh, just had to throw that in from the good old college days.

matthawk!

Also from the good old college days, that one is, rightio. Oh, and how could I ever forget my lesbian lover?

Looky, more gay people!

Yes, Minnesota is a much gayer place than home. I'm having a lot of fun here at home and such, but I must escape back to my new home! That's why I'm roadtripping to Duluth soon. I screwed things up with over half of my high school friends so I need to find new people to pester!

Did you know that if you look for vomit, you can find it everywhere? TV, movies, music, it surrounds us, fills us, binds us, envelops us! Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything.

I shouldn't listen to music while typing deadjournal entries, it just makes them trite.

I know I say this all the freaking time, but I'm actually becoming more realistic in my views on love. Well, more passive/mellow at least. It finally clicked for me that movies, music, books and stuff are works of fiction and tend to not actually happen. There was a long time where I didn't acknowledge the fact many people are content to be alone. True love may exist, but it's an exception, not a common occurence.

I guess what I'm looking for (waiting, I'm not that active) now is romance. I've experienced forms of affection and attraction which were nice, but not what I want most. Since I'm human I will continue with the affection I can recieve, but I refused to become content with it.

The reason I was jealous and felt alone even with the group of eight friends was because friendship and love (in terms of relationship) are different. Friendship is love without his wings, to quote someone on my MSN list. Ha. You can have many friends and you can even have several close friends like I do, but at the end of the day it boils down to that one person if you're in a relationship. It's the one special person you care for and they care for you. Aww snap, I'm romanticizing again, but that's why I consider myself to be, a romantic.

Sure, there are relationships with more than the one other person, but those seldom tend to work out… Nifty keen fun, though.

I will find romance. It'll probably happen when I stop looking and stop waiting. It will just happen.

It's time to start living my own life! Or something to that effect.

Till next whine,
tofu “the meatless wonder”

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