I fear it’s starting again. I have friend cycles. I’m friends with large groups of people for awhile, and then I screw up. I push them out. It then falls apart in an avalanche of despair. I think I might have done it last night. Before it has been locking someone out, lying that I was grounded, being stupid in general. I think telling Maren that I didn’t want to be around her when she was with Seth and DougSonya was a bad idea.
I like Maren a lot, I really do, it’s just I can’t handle MarenSeth every day, and I can never handle DougSonya. At camp I informed someone my idea was a good time was gathering a large group of friends and watching them make out. Heh. That sounded wrong.

In conclusion, I love all my friends, and hope none of the friendships ever end. Especially my friendship with Maren. You are very important to me. We need to spend some time together, alone. Alone is very good. Groups of 4 or less are great too. Groups of 9-10 are starting to be really bad.

Moving on to the past, oh, I guess I should say that Friday night I saw¬†Resurrection¬†Blues at the Guthrie, went to the Renaiasaance Festival Saturday, and went to the Mall of America on Sunday. That’s not too important now, so that’s all I’ll say.

Anyway, Friday night, when I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express!, I had a really weird dream. It was long and complicated and I actually remember it.

Before I left, Emma informed me that the Gr**lies (Lydia, Emily, that other one.. heh) were going to be visiting Brookings.
So anyway, the Gr**lies were in town and I was wondering where Emily was. Apparently she had committed suicide. Then I had a false awakening or was teleported in time or something. It was two weeks earlier and Emily was there now, and I knew I had to stop her from comitting suicide. I made a point to tell her how cool I thought she was, and how much I enjoyed time spent with her and stuff, but it must not have worked. Because then she disappeared, and transformed into Emma I think. I got a letter from Emily, who was now Emma (dreams are weird that way, saying that her real name was Evette and that my efforts to stop her suicide had some sort of negative effect. She had run away to Fiji or something I think. This is when I had another false awakening. I attempted to look at my digital watch, but at first I thought I wasn’t dreaming, then I knew I was. I was in some open pavilion, that I think might have been outside of the USD library. I needed to talk to Laura Nesson about the dream/disappearance of Emma, even though I knew the conversation would happen in a dream. At some point in the dream my sister was driving the old crappy Pontiac 6000 with me as passenger to Wyoming or something, because she wanted to go over “the bumpy spot.” I was worried that the car was going to explode and I knew I needed to get back home, so I begged her to turn around. At some point she did, but she drove over some thin wooden planks and the car went into muddy water and was sinking. We got out fine and then pulled the car out extremely easy and were on our way home. At some other point in the dream I was looking for Emma in an abandoned house with broken walls. At the end of the dream I think Emma sent a book. Hmm.. I think that Evette message was written in the book.

Yeah, I can’t explain crap dreams for crap. Last night I had a dream I logged into ActiveWorlds and got drawn in again. I was planning on renewing. My AW account expires in August, and I don’t know when. I think it could’ve been August 19th. Which is freaky that I had the dream then. I was creating a world called Sebulba, which was my own username and QuiGon appeared at some time… The world I was making was real though, and we were putting on our own ambassador-like show. There were colored boxes… and singing and dancing. I was in the audience though. And Clint was throwing out his stuffed Radiohead bear things. And there were pipecleaners.. and other things. That dream was weird too.

I’ll shut up about dreams now, I know how much Alex hates them.

Oh, about my mini-vacation. It was good. Ha. I got some really cool Archangel prints from the Ren Fest. They’re really pretty. And I got a Panda-Hat! And I met Boywhiz at the Mall of America! That’s been like a life goal of mine! To meet a pvper. I don’t think most people who read my journal know anything about my internet life, so ActiveWorlds and PvP will make no sense to you.


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