i want to be able to say last night i made love instead of just last night i made cookies. actually, being able to say, “last night i made love AND cookies,” would probably be best.

a random thought

i walk the streets of brookings alone at night looking for something i know i will not find here. i've been impatient all my life; what's the use in stopping now?

forty-one days… that is when the world will begin.

earlier this summer i came across a cpa creation i barely recall making. i remember being proud of the hair, but for the life of me i don't know who it is. it might be seth. if not, i've decided it's my imaginary boyfriend ricky. he's a hotty.

who is it that had a mccrory gardens t-shirt?

so i'm sitting here in my rock and roll sleeveless t-shirt… (emma: “are you kerra?” *snicker*) i should probably change shirts. it's a bit odd. goodwill is the bearer of slutty girl shirts and leather pants. my sister (my sister!) is currently in the shower, emma and steph are in her bed together, and alex is reading entertainment weekly on my bed. it's 3:45pm. summer is messed up.

brandi was here two weeks ago, but decided it was time to make another visit. she's decided it's really fun to show up without calling so she surprises us and make it so my mom has no days off for us to do stuff. alas! night is when we do everything anyway.

sunday evening i went to another show at my old church in brookings. it was just as odd and just as bad, mostly. before the only band i liked had people i knew in it. same thing this time. though, i think the undergrads were just plain good entertainment regardless of me going to school with the members. the drummer's pretty hair, the trombonist's hot david reeselike moves, and nate lampsen's rockin' frontman powers didn't hurt. oh yeah, matt turner and tom harwood are rockstar sexgods as well. makeshift empire and that other random band… there's only so many AFI stickers and shirts i can handle before people start dying. yesterday also included bowling (i still suck) and perkins (i still love it). perkins included all the undergrads, jack mcfarland, my best friend 5-6th grade, and watertonians. not to mention red jackie (wear a dress) and kelsey and the reason i'm a vegetarian. people everywhere! this town is psychotic.

hmm. then i went to bed and everyone else had excitment? i'm not quite sure. at some point in the night i got everyone's autograph so now i am going to make lots of money on ebay because i can.

i have no ability as a writer any longer, but if you need someone to sweep your parking lot–i'm your man.

i've felt rather cynical lately. i don't really believe much of what anyone says. it's not like anyone has motivation to lie, but i've got my doubts. bang bang

and in small packages! confusion is free and requires no package. i've never really figured out why i enjoy attempting to confuse people, it's just a quirk of mine.

“xxdeathkillyouxx is playing naked tonight”
“where's naked?”

band names changed to protect the potentially nude

random thoughts:
+cut off his eyelashes, it's the source of all his power
+i don't want to wake up on my own anymore
+mandy is beautiful, mandi shall carry around a martini at USD
+tonya and a stranger named kai
++most importantly, the return of emma

phonecalls must be made and plans must be figured out. it's 1:16pm and the day should have started long ago

p.s. +elliot smith will always remind me of walking through the parks of duluth, chester creek in winter especially. this is a terribly good thing

my mission to you, do something you love. do it repeatedly. do it while listening to music you love. then, when you're away from that thing, you can always listen to the music and think of it. i've got a secret, and it's that the whole wide world is beautiful (this optimism will die later, i assure you)

“you feel fat and i feel ugly, together we don't like anybody” -kind of like spitting

it's really quite fitting these days (obligitory ha). which is the worse fantasy land? that of sleep or that of comfortable reality? which is the worse coping mechanism, constant escape or constant meanness. these truly are questions for the (teen)ages! that play on words could use a little work.

if you've ever wondered–i've got an excellent grasp of capitalization. i just think i'm cool online when i pretend to be e.e. cummings.

it's been a good week. last weekend i went to aberdeen with steph and alex, the denizens of the underground. my basement. this summer is more like the summer i'd planned on having last summer. lots of random roadtrips to places. aberdeen was amazing. i heart the red rooster coffee house. i heart it a lot. it brings the mosh. well, not really, you know how much hardcore kids hate to move.

it totally beats out amazing grace, except on sundays. it's closed on sundays and amazing grace is not. i spent many sundays there pondering stuff and things. i hope to find a nice bohemian atmosphere in birmingham. there's only so much pubbing and clubbing i can handle. neat kids. neat kids all over this suckcore state. there are neat kids in this town as well, but distance makes people more exotic! storybook land in aberdeen is also a fanciful place. i got to see paul bunyan and his big blue ox, and i didn't even have to go to minnesota!!

i still need to see the giant hockey stick in evelllyyyyttthhh because then my life will be fulfilled (i guessed on the spelling there, can you tell?).

just last night i went to vermillion to see the ambassadors of excellence show. camp. i spent six summers of my life at that camp wandering the campus of USD. it's now been two years since i've left it. it's an odd feeling to see so many people you were once very close to, yet still feel awkward and left out. to quote a beattle [sic] in yellow submarine [sick] “it's all in the mind.” there was a closeness there once, but it's gone now. it is nice to maintain a pool of people i can see once a year and still have meaningful hugs.

alex and steph never went to camp, but they seemed to enjoy the show and groove on the crazy energy of the place. the best part of the was probably a stunning rendition of pinball wizard as well as the cellblock tango, punctuated by emma holding up punchlines. for example, in response to the woman who murdered her husband for popping his gum, “gum doesn't kill people. people kill people.” in response to crazy foreign lady, a giant ? was held up. in response to the husband's crazy accusations of “you've been bangin' the milkman!” a “got milk?” sign was held up. i heart emma. she is the sex!

following the show, we drove a half an hour out of our way to yankton to meet up with derick! at the pan. derick! and i had a week of vaguness last summer. it involved the outdoors and a v-belt. it was very nice. derick!'s friends are also exotic and neato in the land of yankton. most amazing was watching the triplets of belleville at the fryn' pan, their local 24 hour family restaurant of choice. i highly suggest watching movies in public places on computers. it's hardcore. i also highly reccomend derick! he's fabulous, you know.

it's been a good bit of time sprinkled with bla. it is my duty to not be broken!

if you're curious, browse here for some of my summer highlights.

FIN (for now)