I'm too distracted to write this entry properly.

I've been too distracted all summer, but that's another matter entirely.

At roughly 2:37am, on Monday, July 7th, I fell in love with a beautiful black-haired boy in a dark green shirt. I know it's ridiculous to fall in love with someone who you don't even know, but hey, it's what I do. (If anyone sees a dark reddish/mauve Pontiac Grandam with a license plate beginning with 6BE… tell me. I think I'm going to start hanging out at McCrory Gardens.)

Damnit. I'm way too pathetic for this. For me, it's love at first glance because I'm too scared to follow through with anything most of the time. From opposite ends of the gas station, our eyes met, but naturally I quickly looked away. But in that immediate instance, there was something. (Lust! Shut up.) (Heh, it's late when different voices start talking in my deadjournal. Ungh.)

I guess I'm doomed because eye contact is a big part of this whole “love” thing. At least this kind of instant, modern age, disposable type love. I can stare you down in an interp round, but get me in public and I barely even look my sister or Maren in the eye while talking sometimes.

I fear becoming a stalker…

I fear that I'll never think I'm good enough.

I fear a future alone with unfullfilled hopes and dreams.

I fear… myself.

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