in the spring of my senior year i went to my first (and only so far) concert. it was flogging molly at the sokol underground in omaha and it was free because it was sponsored by my sister's university, creighton. this past year, my good friend maren began attending creighton and went to another free creighton sponsored event. that one was cake. i heart cake a lot. it brings the mosh. at umd, the only bands that came were the black eyed peas and that band from the oc (ha). those were not free. is the moral of the story i should pay thousands more to attend a private jesuit institution with a good taste in music? no, i think not. perhaps the moral is i was happy then when i am not now.

not much has changed. brookings is still brookings, and there is still more or less the same group of friends i had then. sure, clint the nihilist might be in the marines, seth might have gone insane, and everyone might have scattered, but these are but details. the biggest change really is that i left for college for awhile. it's not even like freshman year of college was the best time of my life evar!111one. there were a lot of hard, sucky times. times when i thought people back home didn't care anymore. still, despite those hardships, i desperately want out of this town. it's less than two months now till i flee the country, but i'm in a slump. i've had hardly any creative outlet all summer and of course there's no romance since it is south dakota. i just need something to focus my energy into.

i keep noticing cuts and scars on the arms and legs of my friends. several of my friends. i feel terribly for being so naive and never noticing before. my life is a total breeze compareds to what most of the people i know have been through, and i'm just now noticing. i feel dumb and hurt for my ignorance of their… doom? i guess everyone copes and escapes in their own way. i've just not found anyone who shares my coping mechanisms of total openness with a touch of bitchiness. augh, to be open and understanding and supportive of those i've shared so much with!

i don't want to give up, but i keep screwing up.

livejournal makes everything so dramatic. it's fancy.

as a sidenote, everyone has to find the newest (jul 26) issue of newsweek and turn to page 34. it's worth your time. let's just call it a portrait of my hometown of brookings. take me away, aqua (i have no right to be a musical elitist whatsoever)!

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