Yanno, it's better want a coin operated boy than be one. Not that I am, just saying.

Uhm… let's see. Someone pointed out that I'm always “down on myself.” I said I have low self esteem. They asked why. I didn't know… thus I'm going to try and hate myself less. We'll see how that goes. (It's really kinda hard, I find myself wanting to say “I'm lame” or “I suck” all the time, but what's the point, you know?)

Wow, the extra depressing cover of Wonderwall is playing… yay. I need a more upbeat playlist. Yay Dune! Heh… my musical tastes are astounding, which reminds me that I need to mail some CDs. And some letters. Lots and lots of letters. That's cat power in session! Heh.

Classes are going fine. I'm not getting all As and stuff, but this isn't high school and it doesn't matter. I was worried for a little because I'm in the honors program, but you only need a 3.3 gpa for that, so I'm golden. Maybe getting lots of 3.4s in Drawing I isn't so bad afterall. I did get a 90/90 on my first test in Interpersonal Communication which I'm really happy about. Some people got 0s. Some people must really suck.

I've turned in both applications for England, made a non-refundable $100 deposit, and had an interview with the program advisor. I'll hear back on whether or not I get in in a few weeks, but I'm not too worried. In really happy news, Mike has also turned in his applications and has his interview tomorrow.

I feel bad around him a lot like I'm being too annoying or pushy or something. I know how people can get after I've been around them for awhile and I should probably back off. Hmm, I don't think I have to worry about Maria though because she's super neat and is female, which usually denotes some sorta “topher-tolerance.” She gave me a hug. She is like candy on sundays!

I wonder if they know how much they mean to me. I may be deathly shy, but I really really need close human interaction. I'd not be in a good state without them.

(I think I can kinda pretend to know how Steph felt when she came into Brookings-kid land.. hmm, yep.)

I've now met… at least six gay people in Duluth which isn't counting QSU people or faculty or Rainer or other random people. They're everywhere, it's crazy. I discovered that lots of people apparently are too scared to actually go into the QSU meetings and just walk by the door… I've also apparently been walking by the wrong door and at the wrong times. I can be very not bright sometimes.

Hmm. I really wish Ty would come online or exist or something. I'm too scared to call him. Ty is a fuck. Fuck him. Where are you Ty………. Emotions are amazing. I think it's because he took me to Perkins. I have no choice but to become obsessed. Or, maybe it's his constant asking of “what's on your mind” “what are you thinking” or maybe even “do you want to be my boyfriend?” Ty… you have a boyfriend. Of a year. Who are living with. Did I mention Ty's a fuck? With pretty eyes and hair.

Heh, I should really avoid these situations. As Maria pointed out, “do I really want to be involved with someone in an open relationship?” Accursed logic!

I guess what I'm trying to say is… makeout club doesn't work. It brings unnecessary baggage. I should have learned this on my 18th birthday, but did not. The moral of that story glossed right over me like Maren's lips on mine… (hehe, we have equal polarity and thus repel while kissing. guess that's what having a symmetrical relationship is like.)

Maria has had more gay boyfriends than me. And this isn't some lame “oh I've only had like one and that was a net relationship so it doesn't count” sort of comparison, no, she's had multiple. So many that she's forgotten their names and must call them “gay boyfriend #1” and so on! I kid, I kid…

Hey Maria, wanna start going out? Or do I have to be straight first and then get turned gay by you? I'm still not quite sure on that. (I'm teaching Minnesotan kids how to hate Topher wit, isn't it NEAT!)

I type my deadjournal entries in a client that displays only four or five lines of text because I'm too lazy to resize it… I make really long entries. Yay me!

Now Dispatch's The General is playing. I want a midget named Ralphus (Ralfus?) to come in. I want Tessa to be riding him. That'd be neat. Hehe, I'm almost delusional enough to see the door swing open and Tessa to romp in on her midget steed… hehe.

To sum up: Cambridge kids hold a special new place in my heart, I love and miss everyone back home dearly, and homosexuality fucks you up.

…I can't get Marens' big wet lips outta my mind. Arrr, they're gonna replace the whale in me dreams!

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