I had some other entry typed up. it sucked. so will this one!

Yeah, so lately I've thought it would be neat to be able to blink yourself out of existence. *poof* topher never was, never will be. it stems from my further inability to hold an erection on the high holy days. wait, no, that's rent. it comes from me not wanting to accept responsibility or reality. i know it exists, but I don't want to deal with it. that's why i live a beautiful fantasy life that many of you don't know about, heh. As for the blinking, yeah, that is a superior alternative to suicide. I'm not depressed and I don't want to end it. I just sometimes wish 'it' never was. Suicide is too destructive. Hurts everyone. Becoming non existant hurts no one, because no one would ever knew you existed.

I see it as the only viable alternative to someone who desperately wants to be noticed.

Oops, not supposed to say that one.

Oh well, I know the whole out of existence thing isn't possible, so i'll trudge on through NHS, Thespians, The Play, Interp, Debate, Journalism and whatever else I'm forgetting…

I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid I can't help myself.

Last Thursday I volunteered at the Democrat HQ here to make calls. That was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Me + Phones = Bad. Me + Strangers = Bad. Phone + Stranger = I want to crawl into a hole.

Heh, I could insert stuff about how I want close personal companionship bla bla bla, that's lame. Maren and Steph are about as close to me as anyone can get. Brookings makes it harder for me to find true love. *cough*

Ha. bye.

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