My mother just called asking if she could get rid of my childhood, I mean crappy furniture in the basement. How can I say goodbye to the couch I lost my virginity on? My lite-brite? The blankets my friends gave each other handjobs under while I slept? The dairy queen cone my sister stole on prom? The stop sign she took from a garbage pile?
Where will Boba Fett and Jar Jar Binks go? What will become of a three to four decades worth of board games? I gave her permission to dismantle the desk I setup to play Warhammer on. I sculpted that mountain from paper mache and a hundred dollars worth of stone texture spraypaint! That desk used to sit in my room!
I am writing this to let you know we will be having an open house over Thanksgiving. Open as in you come and take my childhood memories so the dump doesn't have to. You want the result of hours of paper towels, paper mache, and love prior to Halloween, don't you? Making those haunted houses with my mom and sister are two of my best childhood memories.
I think I'll be moving three crates worth of Star Wars Episode I fast food merchandise… it's gonna be worth something! Really! Oh bizarre strange world.