lately i've been staying up till 2 or 3am working on websites… for work. i run errands off the clock that take an hour or more. somedays i feel like i'm actually earning my money, which is just incomprehensible for me. no mitch won't have another beer.
one of my goals for this year is to change as a person. at early orientations we were promised this as a result. it also made it sound like we'd hate all our old friends, which is not something i want. though if steph is still breaking up with ryan when i return to brookings (briefly) in several months, certain things will have to be discussed. and when we're drinking you'll know that you're my friend.
as far as personal growth goes, i always feel like i was stupid when i look back a year or so. it gets worse the farther i go. at the start of college i was really terrified of everything. for the past few years i've been an ass. i'm still an ass, but not quite as fantastic. this summer i tried to adopt a policy of biting my tongue, but it never worked. i don't even know if other people care. i self regulate too much. i think i'll have another beer.
i'm a bit self loathing. greg and mike were telling me it's okay and to not be self conscious. greg said i wouldn't care so much after he pushed me into traffic. this is true! things i hate about myself: stupid things i say. fear of interaction with strangers. still thinking i'm fat. hating things about myself. etc! it's a vicious cycle. flogging molly seems really silly here…
lyn is amazing and i love talking to her. well, listening to her is closer to the truth. she knows so much stuff and has done a lot of things… in england! which is all totally new. did you know people from liverpool are scousers? liverpudlians if you respect them. cockneys are all of londoners these days, though it actually refers to those who could hear the bells in the place they were born. posh is a british word that is actually an acronym for port offside starboard h… i'm not sure, but it's a nautical term referring to ladies who switched side of the ship so to hide from the sun. it was fashionable to stay out of the sun entirely and be deathly pale. tans were for peasants. these ladies changing sides on the boat were… posh! there's a crazy amount of division amongst the english (not british!). it's tribalism as lyn says. she met the afghan wigs. she really likes MST3k (“trumpy, you do tragic things!”). she likes totoro. she has a copy of if chins could kill and she's seen troma films. it's quite brilliant. i want you to know what i know.
i like that i'm in england and these are the things i talk about.
tomorrow… err 9 hours… i head off to see the white cliffs of dover (and france!) as well as canterbury (kant a bree). van gogh is van gog. renaisaance is ren-ay-sance. nothing else is acceptable!! and i'm on fire.
some day i will explore hurst street. i'm still not ready. someday i will do my homework…