I don't know that it's a good thing that I'm relating my life to NIN lyrics. And other people's too.
Ungh. I apologize to anyone that I may or may not have upset in the past, oh, 17.5 years give or take a few weeks. I feel bad for a lot of things. I've not been talking to people much, which has bad results. Tonight was Adult Swim and I didn't contact anyone.. Eek. Bad topher.
A brief interlude. ~X-mas 2002 Bashganza~
What can I say/I was expecting everything/Of couse it was going to be a letdown./Fate never promised me a rose garden/Unless fortune cookies are rose gardens/I wish.
Two years ago today I was in fucking Taipei, Taiwan. I hate that I'm not there now.
The party wasn't bad. It wasn't as good as the year before. I blame me. We should've gone to coffee. Should've stayed awake. Should've been excited. Should've done something different. Should've stolen baby jes– Maybe not.
I might be over analyzing. I know for sure that I'm rambling.
Have you ever seen a picture or something that reminds you of something that you haven't thought of for awhile? I suppose that's a dumb question. Memory is a strange thing. I've got 17.5 years (give or take a few weeks) of experience in my head, but I spend most of my time thinking in the present, or not thinking. Right now I'm concentrating on typing this. How pointless is that? I could be remembering a good christmas, a happy feeling inside, Egypt, Taiwan, Europe, Camp… anything. Maybe it's best that we don't always experience memory. No one would move on.
Thought it would be terrible to forget the past.
Help me think I'm somebody else.
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaack. My whole existence is flawed.
I'm way too easily annoyed.
Heh. I tried to fall asleep in the basement last night with people. Seth's feet were in my face/I didn't have a good blanket/It was cramped.
When Seth started screaming out garbled words and yelled what I think was “DOROTHY!” I went upstairs to sleep.
When people left this morning I didn't even get out of bed. I did a half-sleepy “goodbye.”
I regret that. Thank you to whoever folded up the bed. Definitely a positive start to my cleaning.
I'm not sure where I was going with this entry. Hmm, for points of crystalization:
2.) I want to see people
3.) Kick me or tell me what I'm doing wrong
4.) Memories are good in moderation